‘Men Don’t Cry’

 

It’s instilled in boys from a young age, that boys shouldn’t cry when they fall or get hurt because these kind of emotions are only for girls or embarrassing for a boy. They’re told by their own parents, especially their fathers or any other male figure, to get up and to just get on with life and carry on like nothing happened. ‘Take it like a man’ they say. They’re told not to cry because they might be seen as being weak or girly and a boy is not meant to come across like that. We’ve all heard the saying ‘men don’t cry’ or ‘man up’. What are the meanings behind these said phrases? Simply to brush off their feelings as if men are robotic and emotionless. If they’re not meant to cry or show emotion, how are they meant to deal with their trapped feelings?

We all seem to have this stereotyped ideology that men should be this tall, huge manly figure who are strong headed and just get on with life. Men are expected to be resilient, annulled of pain and emotion; if a man cries, he shouldn’t show it. Why? Because emotions are linked to weakness, and mostly associated with women. Most men suffer alone and do not wish to talk about their feelings just in case they are judged or they feel embarrassed. Women have generally been able to cry without being ridiculed but a man? No. Why does society feel a man shouldn’t be able to share his emotions when he’s feeling low, sad or upset? More emotions a man hides, the more pressure builds up in the mind. Why should he have to bury his head in the sand and just get on with it? 

This is a huge problem and more should be done to help men express themselves and not feel like they should isolate themselves and bottle it all up. Bottling things up will NEVER have a positive outcome; in fact it will lead to a number of things like depression and health problems. The taboos around this are shocking and because of this, men are less likely to reach out for help when it comes to depression. Part of the stigma that still exists about mental health for men, is that men have greater difficulty talking about their own struggles more than women do. The suicide rate is 40% higher amongst men than it is in women. Anxiety, depression and stress are why men are committing suicide because of the pressures of life, traumas, bereavement or anything of the sort. No one is there to listen to them because they feel they should ‘man up’. They feel like they should be the ones holding it all together and play the strong role, because SOCIETY has made it to be like this. Men are told that they are the protectors of their family and that they should do what a man is supposed to do, which is to work and provide for their families. Most of all, making family and work a priority before himself.

This attitude needs to go and more people need to understand that it’s okay for a man to cry or to just unload himself. Crying or talking to someone is a way of getting rid of stress in the body and if that can’t be done, it can lead to both physical and emotional illnesses. These can be heart, stomach, liver, and kidney diseases and emotional disorders that include depression, Post Traumatic Stress, suicide and much more. This can take a toll both physically and mentally on any human.

Some of the ways to tackle this issue within society is by talking to someone that you trust. Through research, after all that men go through, they need to be loved and comforted at the end of the day is what I’ve summed up. A lot of men feel empty inside and keep the issue to themselves which is not healthy for the mind. The human mind is very fragile and people can snap or break at any given moment.

Whilst doing my own first hand research by talking to a few males, it seems not all are fussed when it comes to their emotions and speaking out. Some are very hurt and wish not to talk. Some find it perfectly normal and feel that it’s fine for them to just get on with things because ‘it is what it is’. They don’t feel any kind of way in terms of depression and that’s fine, not everyone is the same and they can actually handle things. But this is more for the men who feel like they need an outlet, someone to talk to, to confide in and to just feel better. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to listen to you, it’s not necessary to give advice or words of comfort but to just be there and to listen is enough. 

Guidance and support does not discriminate against gender; both men, boys, women and girls are entitled to help. It’s okay to ask for help and you’re not the only one who’s suffering alone. Do not suffer in silence. The next time someone tells you to “man up”, remember mental health affects us all regardless of gender, so do not feel like being a man is a barrier to finding the path to a healthier, happier you.